Partner-Ship Vs Owner-Ship
I grew up believing I owed others something. I owed my parents good behavior. I owed them the gift of my silence or disappearance. I owed them my obedience so they would be happy with me. I owed them a life they would be proud of. I owed them the promise of following the way of the Lord, according to them and the church. I owed my teachers good grades and good behavior. I owed my husband to be a good wife. I owed my kids to be a good mom. I owed my boss a stellar and maximum performance. I owed my pastor good attendance and a fruit filled life. I owed my friends to be a good friend. I even owed myself to be a good child and a good woman. When those around you believe they own you, you will live believing you owe them.
Let’s look at Genesis 2. Was there ownership in the garden? Who owned what and who owned whom? Did God own Jesus and the Holy Spirit? Did God own the earth? Surely someone owned something or someone. The surface problem is the manifestation of living in ownership, the root problem is the misdiagnosis of ownership. We are living in a state of owning others and owing others, and we call it marriage, friendship, spiritual headship, parenting, essentially Christianity. We live in a such a way that we believe we owe God something (or He owes us something) because He owns us. After all, He is in control, isn’t He?
From the very beginning, God offered us His gifts and offered us life with Himself in the garden. Everything that God offers and everything He is, is a gift that He freely offers. How did ownership creep into partnership? When Eve entertained the thought that she could own being her own God, the serpent seized that moment. And what about Adam? In that same moment he chose to sit back and watch silently and not partner with Eve. You see the serpent was extremely jealous of Eve’s connection with God and her position in the garden. He lost his partnership so all he had left was ownership. He knew that if she became a slave to her own way of doing life and living in control, he would win. He desired not just fallen angels to be a part of his kingdom, he desired humans. Religious slavery, being owned, has not been abolished. It is in full force and growing. Slavery is merely a fruit of religion. Slavery at its core is a false belief that I own another and therefore control another. To the core, we believe God has created us to control us and to make Him feel good and look good. God is NOT in control. That would be a very self-seeking and self-serving God. If He was in control, he would have controlled Adam and Eve in the garden. His nature does not recognize control. God is in charge. Most of us only recognize control in an authoritative figure. We do not know what it would feel like to have a strong authoritative figure in charge. Control is not God and is not love. Control is self-seeking. Control communicates from fear. Control is consumed with image and what others will think of them. Control will judge you harshly and criticize you relentlessly. Control will manipulate you into believing you have authority over someone else’s life. There is only one result of control. I own you so therefore you owe me. We cannot get around this. It must be uprooted and eradicated. We must divorce from any form of control and ownership.
“The fruit of ownership is control. The fruit of partnership is influence. ”
John 15:15 (The Passion Translation) states, “I have never called you servants, because a master doesn’t confide in his servants, and servants don’t always understand what the master is doing. But I call you my most intimate and cherished friends, for I reveal to you everything that I’ve heard from my Father.”
We were meant to live as intimate and cherished friends with God and with others. Zero control and manipulation. We will desire to obey God and His commands when we experience Him as one who adores us and longs to freely influence us because He is just that kind and good and wants to see us thrive. We are made for a God who longs to be in partnership with us. We are wired to respond to true authority and true parenthood. We will find joy in being influenced by God and influencing God. Read how Abraham and Moses influenced God. (Genesis 18 & Exodus 32)
When I began to walk through separation in my marriage, it was simply for the sake of knowing what I was to take ownership of so that I could own my authority. You will NEVER be able to own your authority until you own the condition of your heart (ownership). This is imperative to true life and freedom and walking in the garden, naked and unashamed. I never separated with the goal of divorce. I separated to OWN what was mine to own. I only knew controlling others and being controlled. That was my normal Christian life. I knew no different. I began to ask hard questions such as:
Why did shame still exist in my life as a Christian?
Why was I still having outbursts of anger?
Why was I still living in depression and numbness?
Why was fear still such a driving force in my life?
Why was I not experiencing this joy that was to be mine?
Why was I not tasting and seeing God’s goodness in all areas of my life?
When I began moving in this way, I was shocked at what began to unravel. I would look at how the behavior of my parents, my spiritual leaders and my husband affected me, but I no longer held them responsible for the way I was choosing to live my life. I also began to look at how my beliefs and behaviors affected those around me. I made a conscious decision to only look at my heart and my life, without blame. It changed my whole world. I wept at how I hurt others. I wept at how I hurt my husband and my kids. It was irrelevant what they were choosing in their lives or how they were behaving. I took full ownership of all that was in me and all that came out of me.
I had to separate from any form of manipulation, enmeshment, co-dependence, victimization, essentially any fruit of control. What I didn’t realize at the time of separation, is that I would need to walk through a divorce process with religion and control within myself and the world around me. Do you see the beauty of taking full ownership? I had zero desire to control anyone anymore.
In the end, when I stand before Jesus, which I cannot wait to do, I will not be taking anyone with me. I can’t take my husband, my parents, my spiritual leaders. I can’t say, they made me do it. I stand, face to face with Jesus, taking full ownership of my life and my heart. I get giddy at the thought. In my previous life of slavery and control, I would be terrified thinking of the day I would stand before Jesus. Now, I realize a fruit of taking full ownership and true repentance is security. I am secure in who I am and where I am. I no longer look to people for security. I am looking to see who I can partner with in my life. Remember, we were made for partnership. My security has been settled. I can live from a place of safety and security and not live looking for it. Another fruit of taking full ownership and true repentance is a shame free life. But, that is for another day, another writing.
Am I done exploring, experiencing, and growing? Absolutely not! I long to be a vibrant, healthy and joyful partner in life. I am fully convinced that God is in a constant state of greater invitation. But why would he want to invite any form of control or slavery? He doesn’t. It cannot exist in Eden. He’s asking us to shed all forms of religion and control so that we can partner with Him in the large garden He called Earth.
